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There is one guy, who says that, he loves me a lot however, I have said him lots of time that, I do not have any feelings for him and this is happening from last 3 years. The thing is I do not want to break any one’s heart because I feel breaking peoples’ heart is a biggest curse. Keeping all this in mind, I thought that, I should give that person a chance. I knew already that, he earns much less then me and he is not as much educated, extrovert and active like me even after this, I started sharing with him my likes and dislikes thinking that he will change himself and if we can adjust we may think to be together for the rest of life. Slowly and steadly his income got improved not much but better than before however he does not save any part of his income. I asked him many times, why you do not save, he used to say me that, he invest monthly in some kitty scheme. Then, one day after passing of many months almost a year, I asked him your kitty might have been matured, where is that amount. He replied that amount is in the custody my mother and I used to think that his mother would give him, when he would be in the need of the same. Then one day i realise that, in times of need, that guy ask me to send money to him or opt to take loan from bank or use his credit card then I asked him why do not you use your savings then he said my mother does not allow me and this surprised that how a mother can refuse to give the money, which he saved with his hard earned money. Then, I suggested him to stop investing in kitties and start investing in RD/FD/mutual funds. Upon this, he replied that, I am ready to invest a small amount in RD but I cant stop investing in Kitty, for which he give approx Rs. 6000 a month and which he cant use later on. Due to this kitty system, he is not able to save anything for himself but if he will not give his mother becomes angry on him. Only two persons are in his family he and his mother and he earns approx Rs. 22000 a month but he hardly manages to save money for himself. I asked him many times, that now you are a mature person not a grown up kid, who has to work under his morther’s guidance and start living independently but then he feels bad. I am not able to understand that, what should I do. He says that, he loves me but I know only love is not enough to spend life happily all other things are equally important. I have said thousand times to him that, he is responsible for doing everything for her mother but giving her Rs. 10,000 a month without any purpose and knowing that, he will not get the money back is useless. I asked him, what if you would be in need of cash at some point of time then what you would do, but he do not consider anything, whatever, I say to him on this topic. what do i do in this situation
Dear Ishu, it’s good to know the person before marriage. His mother must be saving the amount for future and rest of the amount must be used in monthly household expenses. The matter related to income of a man is very sensitive matter. If he is ready to take your responsibility then you need not worry. You yourself are also working. So I don’t think that there will be any problem regarding finances. You are financially independent so don’t bother much about the amount given by him to his mother. Money is secondary and understanding between both of you is primary. Don’t try to change him, if you are ready to accept him as it is then only proceed further. I don’t mean to accept bad habits as it is but what I mean is every person is different n thinks differently. However you can make him understand that investing in kitties is not safe n RD/FD is secure. Moreover you also need to understand his mother. Maybe she is saving for future. If really love him then don’t let finances come in between but if you don’t love him n you are looking at him like any other male as your future husband then you should not proceed further if you don’t like the proposition n the way he is leading his life.
Personally I think you should see as to how he is as a human being because rest of the things can be easily taken care of as you both will be working and after marriage you both will be we and not you n him.
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