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Hey freinds, m yuvi 27 yrs old (bachelor) my elder brother got married 4 yrs back and they have a baby girl.we are living togehter with parents.
But the problem is this that my bhabhi dnt want a joint family and want to divide us at the earlist…
even my brother told him very clearly that i want to live wd my parents…
but now she takes different steps by mentally tourching my mother with different means and want to disturb the family atmosphere…
wht we should do….. i cnnt understand … We tried our best to teach her with the best possible ways but she belives in creating dramas….
Even we have great bounding with our family and my parents dnt wants be seprate…
what should we do… kindly suggest….
only accepting the unnecessary demands of girls is the solution of this problem…??????
and what if after my marriage my wife did the same things ….than where my parents will go….
Plz suggest me with ur experience and knowledge…..
Dear Yuvi, your concern is right. As you said that you have made your efforts to convince her but could not succeed then being her younger brother in law, you should talk to her in friendly manner. First try to find out the reason for which she wants to get separated. You should also look into yourselves as to, is there anything lacking on your part? I am just giving you some options. I do not mean whether she is right or you people are right. Just see the situation from other’s point of view. May be you get an answer.
And inspite of analysing the situation as above, you reach to the conclusion that she is unnecessarily creating all this fuss then …..
Some girls don’t realise the benefits of being in joint family. It’s their hard luck and the child, who will not get love n affection of her grand parents.
Instead of thinking that she has got parents at her in law’s house as well, some girls think otherwise that if we have left our parents behind then why should their husband should have the opportunity of Living with his parents.
You can also take help of somebody who matters in her life. Might be she understands if somebody close to her advises her to drop such a bad idea of getting separate from in – laws.Dear Yuvi
This is not only your problem it is a general problem in every house due to the western culture we are adopting. Girls, specifically during their young age just see the benefits of nuclear families which they have seen either in their parental house or friends home. They never understand the benefits of joint family because either they have not lived in such family or have not seen such families.
Is the family of your bhabhi a nuclear one? It seems that your bhabhi came from a nuclear family and in that case you can seek the help of her parental family to make her understand. But as mentioned by you, you might have tried that also.
According to my experience their are some unwarranted issues between your mother and bhabhi. Ego, attitude or habits may be a cause. Such issues are not so big but they could not be resolved because of ego or non-cooperation. Both your bhabhi and mother need to sit together and clearly speak out the issues which create unnecessary arguments. But for this sitting with open mind and without grudges is a must.
Some one of your family who enjoy good rapport with both can mediate to ask the issues they have with each other because according to your post your bhabhi has issues with your mother only. You can also ask your mother to talk to bhabhi’s mother directly and tell her the issues but in that case your motheris also required to understand the problems of your bhabhi.
If you expect any easy answer to this problem, it is not possible. Both your mother and bhabhi must understand that the family is incomplete without the other.Mr. Yuvi
First of all you need to find out the reasons for your bhabhi’s behaviour. Is that solely separation and she is doing all this for getting separated? According to your post this is the only reason. You have two ways. Firstly some one close to your bhabhi such as her mother or some friend or relative can make her understand the benefits of joint family. Secondly your family can sit together to resolve this issue but in that case all past incidents must not discussed to blame but only to explain them as problem.Dost aaj kal ye problem bahut common hai kyuki aajkal ki ladkiyo ko har tarah ki aazadi chahiye. Vo chahti hai vo apni marji se jaage, kaam wali kaam kar jaye, vo apne hisab se mobile pe chatting kare, jab chahe soye, TV dekhe or life enjoy kare. Unhe pariwar se matlab nahi hota. Unhe pariwar ki jarurat tab pata chalti hai jab dusra bacha ho jaye or ghar ka kaam, bacho ko sambhalna, school bhejna or sab kuch manage karne pade. Unhe saas ki yaad aati hai bache sambhalne k liye taki vo azadi se ghumne ja sake ya jab koi illness aa jaye. Usme bhi kayi ladkiya saas ki jagah apni maa ki help lena pasand karti hai.
Aisi halaat me aap ya aapka bhai strictly apni biwi or uske pariwar ko bol de ki jaise vo chahti hai vaise kabhi nahi hoga. Ya phir aapka bhai apni biwi se baat kare ki usko aapki maa se kya problem hai or sort out kare. Unhe apni biwi ko thoda strictly kehna hoga or na maane to thode din dur rehkar usse ahsas karwaya ja sakta hai. Ye bhi possible hai ki aapke mata g kuch jyada expectation karte ho to unhe bhi thoda adjust karna padega.Dear Subscriber
If you done all the efforts for conciliation on your level and still you could not resolve the issue than you can try for conciliation through government agencies. The govt has set up conciliation centre where you can give an application and they will do counselling of your bhabhi and family. I know you may not like to prefer it but some times it works because your bhabhi cannot allege that they are favouring any one, as in other’s case.
You can also meet some independent counsellor and seek help, if your family is ready for it.Yeh toh badi common problem hai. Ghar Ghar ki kahaani. Yeh achhi baat hai ki aap ka brother separate nahi hona chahta. Warna aaj kal toh ladke bhi biwi ko lekar alag hi rehna chahte hai.
Par aapki post se clear reason nahi samajh mein aa raha. Agar bariki se reason doondh kar aapki bhabhi ko samjhaya jaye ya fir jis karn se woh separate hona chahti hai usko solve kiya jaye. Kabhi kabhi hame saath mein rehne ke liye thodi qurbaani deni padti hai. Thoda compromise, thoda pyar, thoda darr….aapke case mein yeh sab kaise lagoo hoga woh aapko hi dekh a padega kyunki separate hone ke pichhe ka reason nahi pata hai.Bhai apne ko to seedhi baat aati hai ki koi pyar se maane to thik varna ghusa try karo. Mere hisab se agar aapka pariwar bhai par nirbhar nahi hai to apni bhabhi ko clear bol do ki alag hona hai to ho jao par papa aapko kuch nahi denge. apne dum par jo kar sakte ho karlo. Apna ghar apne dum par basao or chalao. Ek baar alag kardo kahi paas me hi koi kiraye ka ghar lekar. Thode time baad shayad akal aa jaye jab apne par padegi.
Dear Bro
First of all when u get married tell the girl and her parents in presence of mediators very clearly that you would not live separately and in case your wud be wife stated so u wud break up the relation.
Regarding your bhabhi I think u or some one close to her need to ask her about the reason of asking separation. If she honestly tells and you can address her grievance than everything will be fine but in case her demand is just foor desire then your family needs to treat her strictly by conveying her parents that whatever she is asking is not going to happen.
By the way the cruel truth is that every family gets separated one or the other day and what matters is not separation but relationship. I have seen families where boys living separate from their parents do take proper care by visiting them twice a day. So, If your family agrees you can either make two portions or ur brother may shift to other or rented house. Since I don’t know your financial position and other details I can’t comment precisely.
Your family can also tell her in strict sense that if she gets separated they will not get any money from your father and they need to manage on their own.Thankew all ….
i am not expecting this kind of genuine and kind replies from this site…
really thankew….and i want to explain in detils…
that i am from a family where 6 years back, we were not able to purchase a new bycycle….we worked hard with and now we have everything of necessity at our home from ac rooms to cars…
My bhabhi is the only child of their parents and she wants that my brother become Ghar Javai….
we know that they are rich but its dsnt mean we dnt have self respect…and it is not acceptable by brother and family tooo….
Everyone tried their best… maine bhai b bnnkr dkha,, dost bnkrr b smjhaya,, mumma ko b smjhaya… pr fr thode din baad vhi chizz repeat ho jati hai….
Ghar par kisi or chiz ko lekar ladai ni hai… bss ladai iss baat ki hai k vo bddo ki respect ni krrna jante or unwanted dramas and scenes create hoote hai….
Hmm aaj bhi family ko ek rkhne k lie sb kuch krr rhe hai or krte b rhege …. but brother ko alag krna is not the solution…
abhi effect ye hai k mere mother thoda purane vichro k hai and vo b mantally disturb ho rhe hai….
Situation ko isse jyada mai words mai explain nhi krr skta….
God knows kya bnega…. pr agar ye sb hai to shadi mai phere nhi stamp paper pr term and conditions sign krva leni chaie….
Dear yuvi , tumhari dusri mail padh kar ekdum clear ho gya ki tumhari bhabhi jab tak tumhare saath rahegi aisa hi mahol rahega ghar mein ,bura lag rha hai likhna but ye hi sahi rahega ki tumhare bhaiya ekdum ghar ke pass hi dusra ghar le kar rahein, agar present house mein do floor hain toh ek mein un ko shift kar do is se pass bhi rahenge aur ghar mein shanti bhi rahegi agar pyar se baat kar ke shift karoge toh tumhare bhaiya daily milte rahenge apni family se apni daughter ke saath bhabhi ka Munn ho toh aaye otherwise nhi.Tum apni shadi ke liye aisi ladki dekho Jo tumhari family ko jante ho aur tum log un ki, pehle hi ladki ko clear shabdon mein kah dena ki tum kabhi bhi apne parents se alag nhi rahoge aur isliye us ladki ko kahna ki wo tumhari mummy se mil kar phir bataye aur ekdum clear kah dena mere bhai bhabhi alag hain main nhi rahunga .
Hamare ek jankar hain un ke saath same aisa hi hua un ke bhi do bete hi hain un ko haar kar bade bete ko alag karna hi padaa but phir sab thik ho gya wo apni beti ke saath daily apne mummy papa ke pass milne aata and second bete ki shadi un ki jaan pehchan mein hue aur sab bahut accha hai second wale ki wife bahut hi acchi hai ,un ki mother bhi thode purane vicharon ki hain but second wali bahu acche se adjust kar rhi hai pehle hi clear kar liya tha
Dear Yuvi, I can feel your pain from your 2nd post. Actually it is becoming tough day by day to maintain harmonious relations in marriage.
I agree with what Shribala ji has said in her post. Your situation seems to be really very difficult. Instead of breaking marriage or they both leaving the house in anger(may be your brother agree reluctantly for the sake of their child n peace in house), you all should sit together n take a decision to shift them to another place nearby so that you will always be on talking terms. Don’t let the relations get rotten due to her misbehaviour.
If you carry on with as it is then it will adversely affect the health of your parents and also on the psychology of the little child. Togetherness should not be on the cost of physical and mental health and peace.Thankew all for your concern.
yesterday night we had. family meeting in this regard and concluded with nothing.
as we are agreed for sepration of families but she wants my brother to be ghar javai which is not even acceptable by my brother.
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